Spy Kids: Armageddon (2023)

Spy-Kids:-Armageddon-(2023)
Spy Kids: Armageddon (2023)

The Spy Kids series has, for some time, been plagued by diminishing returns. While Rodriguez’s sheer inventiveness was on full display in the 2001 original, its subsequent installments have been visibly annoying and monotonous. 

These are movies made for families, and sometimes by his family, since the Austin based director always seems to have a penchant for casting his children both in front of and behind the camera. The “Spy Kids” spinoff “The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D” from 2005 was apparently conceived by Rodriguez’s then-seven-year-old son Racer Max, who received credit as a writer.

The new season of Spy Kids, titled Armageddon, streaming on Netflix is painfully similar to its predecessor. There has been no noticeable improvement on the series despite the advancement in technology in the last 2 decades. Rodriguez, the original director, is known for making modest budgets stretch incredibly far; he used to have myriad of oversees many roles. It is clear that Spy Kids is aimed at toddlers, and if we are being honest, there are many better options available out there. Rodriguez has returned as the co-director with Racer Max in addition to him being a producer and head of cinematography which explains the cheap production value alongside the horrible plot. Families deserve better than this type of cinema.

“Spy Kids: Armageddon” follows the same outline as the very first installment of this popular franchise: Parents find themselves tangled in a web of hidden spy secrets while the children try their best to unveil the ‘spy’ side of their parents. There’s a new addition to the cast; Rodriguez and Banderas are replaced by Gina Rodriguez and Zachary Levi, who play Terrence Tango and Nora Torrez. The parents, Terrance and Norra, are by far the coolest characters in the movie! They sit in the family’s astonishing modern glass and steel home, which is by far the coolest place in the movie, and they’re busy working on the Armageddon Code. Their son, Tony, who has a quirky obsession with video games, accidentally releases the code to The King, a new billionaire tech master with evil plans, played by an oddly normal Billy Magnussen. Now it’s time for the eager Tony and his smart-alecky sister, Patty, to spring into action. Together, they set forth on an adventure of saving the day and the world. Everly Carbanilate does a wonderful job showcasing the banter between the siblings, while Billy Magnussen’s dry tone portrays as a perfect fit to The King.

In “Spy Kids: Armageddon,” there is an idea to make people play video games in order to withdraw money from ATMs and complete other mundane tasks. This in turn would allow the code to spread globally, acting as a virus. Moreover, the movie is a mess of slapstick humor and fight scenes that lack any sort of coordination. The effects in the movie were subpar, and even a simple car chase in the Austin Congress Avenue was poorly executed. Instead of focusing on a new and effective approach to imagination, they stuffed the movie with typical spy equipment. One scene that demonstrated how ineffective their approach was contained giant fly swatters, which got old really quick. The pacing in the movie really threw me off, as I felt like there was nearly 20 minutes that I didn’t need to watch. There was no sense of order or cohesion, the action moved way too slow for too long, then it all of a sudden became complete pandemonium.

While all this is happening, the Latino pride celebration that Rodriguez has added to his films since the start is there in the back somewhere with him ultra-low-budget indie ‘El Mariachi’ from 1992. In a very salty imitation of their own culture, Tony and Patty are made to repeat their names in full because in order to enter their underwater safe house they are required to. These quixotic details are adding to the flesh of the film and make it feel more personal. Every kid has at least once in their life wanted to play a game where he gets to be a superhero. That basic notion of the fight between good and evil is what “Spy Kids: Armageddon” takes, and turns it into a squeaky infuriating blood bath.

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