WATCH NOW
In today’s review, we will be looking at a movie that fuses kung fu and ninjitsu. What’s interesting is that this movie was produced with a very low budget, and both the setting and filming location was done in Northern California. The cast includes some of the locals and a few actors who specialize in genre films. Now don’t get me wrong, this is by far not the best movie in the world, and it does have a lot of nonsensical dialogue and bad acting. However, I still found it quite entertaining. The amazing third act truly outdid the rest of the film with its non-stop kung fu action.
From the information available on the internet regarding this movie, it was released in 1982, however the credits clearly indicate it was released in 1980. So for now, we will go with that. IMDB is not a reliable source after all.
We begin in what seems to be a rundown bar in which a skinny drug addict is topless dancing to a jukebox. From this scene, it feels as if Weapons of Death is going to be one of those low quality films jam packed with naked women and gory scenes, and we could not be more wrong. This is the only skin we get to see in the entire movie, and the blood? Forget showing it, there isn’t even a hint. Here we encounter Carter, an unlucky ex-thug who has now accepted his reality and chooses to remain drunk 24/7.
Carter’s former crime lord, Bishop, arrives at his bar with an offer he does not think Carter would refuse. David Ives plays bishop like a rough on the edges Al Clever type big, unkempt, stands like a bear and dresses like a Hell’s Angel from the 1970s. He will fight to have his way while leaving blood and broken bones in his wake. His character will primarily serve the role of the evil lunatic in the movie, and there are no two ways about this, he is as vile as they come.
Carter is the last criminal to join Bishop and the gang on one last job. So they step into a car and head to the slopes east of San Francisco to meet Kingpin and his legion of ninjas. Some sources say that the Kingpin is an ancient figure in Frisco who works as some kind of Chinese gangster. But how come he spends so much time in the forest? Why wouldn’t he just meet and greet the way he does in the civil stronghold in the city? I’m sure he has a civil stronghold.
In his world, “there are no guns allowed.” The Kingpin laughed at Bishop who thought a pistol would do him some good. What kind of ninjas and criminals cannot use guns? While the premise of carrying guns and not being able to shoot them does make the action scenes imbalance and a little too quick, it is also true that in a Kung-fu movie, modern weapons should not be in the picture. However, it completely ruins the credibility of a thug group in the 80s America to not allow guns. A rival armed Latino gang could easily wipe them out in a matter of minutes and take over.
The Kingpin is hiring Bishop to go to the house of a rich old lady who refuses to pay him protection money, take her daughter, and hold her hostage. We have to ask why he needs to subcontract this; he obviously has enough of his own Ninjas to get the job done. Why is it, after all, that you have Ninjas? It is not because you wanted to waste time, money and effort training them and making sure they looked the part only to have them stand around, is it? The anti-A-team get inside a beaten up Ford white colored van and they head to SanFran Chinatown.
It is a proven fact that 87.46% of all Ford Econoline vans sold between 1968 and 1974 are or were owned by cow rapists and serial killers.
She seems to have a house of an old woman as her target, whose family runs a Chinese martial arts school. The majority of the curriculum is focused on the usage of swords and knives, therefore, she is presumably training her own assassins. I have never been in a karate school in Indiana, but I would guess they focus more on the elementary school children too weak to go through football practice, and on the bored housewives who want some relief from Pilates. To say that they are teaching children how to gut an opponent with two edged battle swords in Fort Wayne, would leave me extremely astonished.
Angela, her hot young daughter, is around 16 years old and weighs perhaps 85 pounds at the maximum. Although she’s basically a MacGuffin, she does have a couple of fascinating short scenes in which she gets to speak with her squeaky voice. The girl who ‘actresses’ Angela looks extremely uninterested in the whole “acting” process which, quite frankly, is utterly dull to her. So she makes no effort in concealing the fact that she would rather be hanging at the mall with her friends than sitting at a movie set and waiting for their crew to prepare for the shots.
Her children are Asian Guy and Asian Guy’s Brother. At the school, Asian Guy is a lead teacher and a master of the much-feared and unstoppable double sword fighting technique (every character in these types of films has one and only one signature fighting style). He is incredibly skilled in martial arts, which puts him well above the rest of the cast, even if posing like an incredibly powerful ninja while striking and flexing like he’s Bruce Lee is something he enjoys. Sadly, there can only be one Bruce Lee.
Using a modern compound composite bow instead of a traditional Japanese lacquered bamboo bow does take a little away from his mastery of bow and arrow, but Asian Guy’s Brother still finds a way to call himself one. Not only does he excel in the world of firearms, but he is also known for having the finest beard-hair combo in the history of cinema, all while loving plaid button downs and tight corduroy brown jeans.
In a twist of fate, Angela is now seeing White-Guy, one of the students from the karate school. At first I was a bit shocked because White-Guy is a rather feminine and ugly, skinny, fat looking, balding middle aged man who is so unfit that I do not think he can raise his arms over his shoulders barely much less perform kung fu. But then, I understood that this is him, ‘like you, a teacher.’ Then everything becomes clear (you can’t blame me, if I am the one who directed this movie, I too have this doll next to me). However, the two bear no resemblance. The actress seemed overly sensitive on the issue of how she was going to have to restrain someone who is old enough to be her father and was very scared of what her pals from high school would think about looking like.
Finally, there is the ‘token Black’ guard with the spear and plume. He looks really out of place here because he squirms a lot and cannot seem completely sure of himself. This guy is really good at spear fighting (what with the long spear with a fuchsia plume on the end that he is waving around proudly). Apart from how he looks and what he is doing, why on earth would one spend endless hours perfecting the art of such an obscure way of fighting with a rare weapon? It’s not like anyone who didn’t live in 14th century feudal Japan would want to master it. He can’t even get a basic stunt job in Hollywood’s period kung fu flicks, not that I know of any ninjas in African pre-imperial Japan (but please send a comment if you know of any and I’d stand corrected).
Now, let us return to the plot. Bishop’s gang barges into the school and starts knocking everyone over. Despite being the best so-called fighter, even Asian-Guy receives a smack. It is very peculiar that the villains here have a reasonable chance of giving our heroes a fair beating. In other parts of the film, these guys are portrayed as almost unbeatable killing machines. Then, sweet Angela is abducted and despite lawfully putting her in a prison cell at the back of a speeding van, the plot’s remaining part will follow with our heroic boys trying to rescue the girl.
Instead, the Old Woman seeks the help of her estranged ex-husband Curt, who is Angela’s father. His name is Curt, and he is an American with a voluminous mullet hairstyle resembling Bob Ross and a mustache the shape of a caterpillar that has not been trimmed in six weeks. He fills tight polyester slacks and open-necked silk shirts with glee. He is just one in a long line of American ‘action’ performers whose fighting skills are non existent. If he didn’t rely on the help of cutting edits and the exhausted stuntmen’s desperate attempts to flop like Vlade Divac, you might find it difficult to look at him as anything other than a sort of fit man who has a pathetic attempt at looking athletic. To give credit where credit is due, Asian-Guy ought to be the star of this film, but the director no doubt assumed that he needed a Caucasian for protagonist if he was at all interested in obtaining decent distribution rights to the film domestically.
Even so, both of the Old Woman’s sons loath Curt because he deserted the family some time ago. Although his name is Asian-Guy, he could be a Japanese. Honestly, neither him nor Angela seems to be mixed at all. The Old Woman and Angela speak English with the fluency of fourth generation immigrants, whereas Asian-Guy *really* does look like he got off the boat from somewhere because his English is disgusting, and muddled with Mandarin. Whatever the case is, Curt assembles a five person team of soldiers (himself, Asian-Guy, Asian-Guy’s Brother, White-Guy, and Black-Guy)with the goals of rescuing Angela if she can still be found and smashing some heads in during the process.
While the rest of them only bring edged weapons, White-Guy arrives with a .38 pistol and makes a (really) big deal about how it was a last minute gift from a friend. It was that difficult for an American to obtain a pistol in 1980? They don’t even had federally decreed background checks or waiting periods in place (of which, Thank you Hinckley!) and pawn shops didn’t even need licenses to sell guns, so anyone could pick one up dirt cheap if they really wanted one. Especially in an over populated city like San Francisco. The rest of the unit look at him and this gun with a hint of disdain, but almost as if he’s breaking some sort of ancient kung fu treaty by bringing this vile western machine along.
At the same time, Bishop’s van gets a flat tire, and no one appears to be able to help (or perhaps they just lack a spare, regardless, Mister T is furious that they ruined his van). Angela is left in the unlocked van as the rest of the group simply walks off without a care. One random guy does give chase, taking Bishop’s pistol with him, but Angela manages to kill him with a stolen sword and makes off with the gun. The rest of the thugs begin their search for her, knowing that they are not going to be paid by the Kingpin if they don’t find her.
Angela stumbles upon a group of bikers who are parked in the woods. With their leather chaps, bandana hats, army fatigue jackets, chips sunglasses, and shoulder-length hair, they are the last remaining members of the Wild Bunch from the 1970s. There doesn’t appear to be anything illegal going on; they are just standing beside a campfire, telling jokes while drinking beer, but with that smell they have, it has to be a misdemeanor. When Angela strolls over, they do capture her, although they don’t try to assault her, which they probably do intend to.
Carter, the criminal, arrives and hears Angela’s name being spat out with laughter. Angered by this, he gets ready for the kill, and eliminates every single one of his opponents. The bikers literally fight to the last man and lose hope of surviving when they understand Carter simply wants the girl. They had an option to escape using their bikes, but chose to stand their ground. Carter fights like a crazed beast rather than an assassin skilled in the art of kung fu. His outlandish style was refreshing during the group fight as it showcased the level of desperation people display when in combat. Sadly, the 14 bikers who did nothing wrong were slain in vain. They only aimed to intimidate Angela and seemed to be drunk rather than violent people.
The director of the film hopes we feel satisfied that Carter managed to massacre all the dirty and morally irresponsible bikers. But, does it resonate with the viewers if a group of Stanford students at a camping keg party get too drunk, try to overstep boundaries with Angela, and get gunned down by Carter? What is the issue that the media has against bikers?
To watch more movies like (Weapons of Death (1977)) visit 123Movies.
Also Watch for more movies like:
