
“Unfrosted The Pop-Tarts Story,” could have been easily a good movie but it is instead a wasted, unappreciated opportunity that bears a few redeeming qualities. For one, this is a story that could have gone further, much further. In my opinion, Thompson encountered several stop signs: it was embarrassing for me to see the outcome of Seinfeld’s ambition. After all, he didn’t just write the script and act, but he also directed the entire film. This was his creation.
It’s funny how you can’t help but imagine this film’s marketing strategy: how it appeals to a specific niche. The entire tale with downsides could have been done at a casual family wedding, so you invite your uncle, father, or brother, who is a businessman or knows a businessman. The ad, which consists of an appropriate video clip, captures the essence of the movie without giving away any spoilers.
So, let’s start with “the complaint.” But even before the complaints are heard, one has to appreciate what has been achieved. From the beginning, it was entertaining a screen with characters and statements introduced the viewer to the time frame. Yet I was never entirely convinced that Seinfeld could produce such impressive pictures with colored airbrushes however, this only made his script easier to follow because the background would explain what was happening.
Their vaudeville satire style could have proved effective had the film been written and directed with the style one expects from the Coen Brothers when making even the silliest of films (their madcap feature “The Hudsucker Proxy” seems to have influenced at least some of the “madcap” ones) or, the interplay of manic energy and sadness that Greta Gerwig infused into her rendition of “Barbie.”
Ziggy Schwartz played by Seinfeld has a made-up personality as Bob Cabana, who operates in the highest rank at Kellogg’s. Cabana resurrects his former business partner and another fictitious creation, NASA researcher Donna Stankowski (Melissa McCarthy) to assist him in developing the Pop-Tart. Jim Gaffigan plays the role of Edsel Kellogg III, who is said to be a fictional member of the Kellogg family and Cabana’s supervisor. Edsel has a weakness for the head of the opposing firm, Marjorie Post (Amy Schumer). Post is no fiction, she is the daughter of C.W. Post and the founder of Post Cereal. She also managed Post (it was initially known as Postum) and later the multinational company it evolved into General Foods.
The movie doesn’t care about that stuff, of course Still, let me point this out in case you were curious if that character had any real-life prototype and whether such a lady became anything other than the self-focused, competitive, pushy sexpot as played by Schumer.
However, I might as well draw up quite a few fake, real pages of characters if there is no use. The terms “Unfrosted” and, for example, why some of the characters have their prototypes, but others are fictional, do not explain much. There is none that can be distinguished, only a pristine and rather nondescript-looking craft. In a way, it could be suggested that “Unfrosted” is an adaptation that does not stray too much from the original, considering the fact that the original came from a stand-up comedy by Jerry Seinfeld who did not at all care about the topics he was discussing Pop Tarts, and his comedy is somewhat nasty in that it is extremely and at times annoyingly trivial. He is so wealthy that just about anything is possible and this very wealth is enough to shield him from reality allowing him to simply be the dullest person ever and only showing excitement when complaining to reporters about a culture that is too politically correct. A sitcom titled “Seinfeld” (co-created by Larry David, a man who has spent the better part of his adult life actively offending people) frequently made comic art by ridiculing that kind of individual.
Anyway, back to my point. “Unfrosted” offers a fair amount within its premise, but for some mysterious reason offers none of those qualities and instead laughs impotently at its intended base premise. Surely, one would be tempted to ask such a question had the motion picture been supervised by the likes of Joe Dante of Gremlins fame, or Adam McKay back when his filmography was limited to comedies like Step Brothers and Anchorman, or the all-time King of Movie spoofs, Mel Brooks. Instead of doing something funny, he uses scenes that are clearly borrowed from Lewis or Looney Tunes a spy camera hidden in a mop, wipes, and a tank filled with Pop-Tarts that bounces about the room like an edible Pikachu. The problem is that he does not have it, he does not have it, nor does he have the imagination nor the chaos needed to execute it, and the sort of conjuring he attempts is rather cold and unnaturally deadly.
Picture this. Fleets of mid-century models, entire blocks of period-themed houses, and kites of background actors dressed in the early seasons of ‘Mad Men’ style. The offices have assumed the dusty clutter of that ‘63 era with realism apropos of Andrew Wyeth’s paintings of the farmhouses and wheat fields. Clearly, all those involved in the production of the film were committed to their particular unit. This finished product lacks passion of any kind, even the whacky or self-parodying type. It doesn’t seem to exactly care for the consumer goods, the adverts or the company characters that it manages to collect on one screen as if trying to mimic mid-20th century style. Who Framed Roger Rabbit or Ready Player One it seems only wishes to be in spirit.
Fifteen minutes of tuna fish fame is absurd with a hurtful, tangy twist. There is no explanation for it at all, but Bob Cabana has amassed a cast of historical figures from some recognized American brands such as the creator of Sea Monkeys Harold von Braunhut (Thomas Lennon), fitness entrepreneur Jack LaLanne played by James Marsden, and bicycle magnate Steve Schwinn (Jack McBrayer). None of them are humorous; however, they schmooze and bulge their eyes striving for comedy.
This is a fictionalized account of Ravenscroft voiced by Hugh Grant and how he meets other characters celebrating Kellogg’s and Post cereals. JFK is present (is convincingly impersonated by Bill Burr) and his Soviet partner Nikita Khrushchev is played by Dean Norris. We’re also introduced to legendary TV hosts Walter Cronkite and Johnny Carson but they are both treated by Kyle Dunnigan. The prevailing idea of parodying figures surrounding history is unfulfilled (in some cases lost touch with reality), Kennedy generalizes democracy into sexual whims and such a story is, that he has got the Doublemint Twins pregnant. While presumably, this kind of emptiness is the point, it is not articulated.
The tone in “Unfrosted” resonates with a disdain that is hard to explain for the foods, household items, and package design and advertisement that this film is trying to reflect. Snap, Crackle, and Pop transform into three actor elves who wear their Rice Krispies costumes but complain about being overworked; they play the bagpipes at a Pop-Tart tester’s funeral and are indifferent to the tragedy of the deceased’s wife. When the dead man’s remains have been placed in the earth, Kellogg’s Corn Flakes mascots shake boxes of cornflakes over the funeral pyre. For cornflakes, the heavenly food is described in horrific slanders at other places within the text. Several of the comments are brazen sexually vulgar, and inappropriate in juxtaposition of products that young children are supposed to love.
Hackery is the correct term for this movie, and they have the audacity to transform Thurl Ravenscroft, who was nothing more than an American voice-over artist best known for his recordings as Tony the Tiger and singing the original animated Grinch, into a bitter, frail, poorly maintained British man who possesses talents and bears the Tony the Tiger costume during film shootings and other events but at the same time complains that no one respects him for being a character in a copyrighted series. I preferred this character when Alan Rickman played him in “Galaxy Quest” and when it was a movie, and second when I saw it in all the other movies.
‘Unfrosted’ is one among the several free-to-view films on one of the many streaming apps that have thousands of more such films, so it’s either people’s interest or the first five or ten minutes of one that’s typical. It is safe to say that this is a film that is not merely rebuttal-resistant but one that requires no artistic appeal whatsoever, and certainly has no specific crowd that it belongs to. This review is of the tree that fell in the forest with no one home to hear it.
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