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There is a curious and very specific type of movie that I think I enjoy more than I ought to. Believe it or not, I was completely flabbergasted when I first came across the entire “A Doggone…” series. Somehow, I thought that the whole genre of dog isekai fiction was much simpler. This is personally very fascinating because the mere concept of a telepathically powered canine is exceedingly disturbing, especially when… Let’s save that for later. Somebody’s got to do the heavy lifting to talk about telepathic dog films, and if I won’t… Who else will?
Like we’ve discussed time and again, film production commences with compiling shots of the entire film in sequence. Jesse and his mother, Christina, are doing some yardwork outside that needs to be accomplished ahead of time to cover for the arrival of Christina’s new husband, Thomas, and his son Liam. While Christina is working hard, Jesse is indulging his superhero fantasies and pretending to be a gallant hero driving off evil alien invaders. He isn’t half bad. Jesse’s own superhero fantasy comes to an end when Christina takes the fantasy away by reminding him that he should be raking leaves as opposed to battling the alien menace. Jesse explains, in detail, a short snippet of what the last house was like, and their journey moving here to await Christina’s husband. Jesse eventually helps her, but… Jesse’s reluctance to rake is easily explained though, as only Christina is actually using a rake. Jesse has a broom. A broom for raking? Jessie’s first attempt using his broom to rake makes it completely simple why no one succeeds at it. You can’t really rake a lot without a rake. As expected, a bristled broom is no match for Christina’s leaf-dominating metallic yard care implement.
A Hero Emerges!
Liam and his father Thomas, are driving to meet Christina and Jesse. During the car ride, their conversation is both simple yet interesting; they discuss how neither of them wants to accept the fact that Christina will become Liam’s mother after the marriage, a very typical case of parental anxiety. After Christina meets them, her interaction with Liam is very robotic, and as soon as they step into the house, Liam learns he has to share a room with Jesse. This new piece of information sends him into a downward spiral and he begins to think this is how the movie ends. Luckily, he gets saved by the bell or in this case the doorbell in which a lady introduces herself as the neighbor. Paula Preston is a simple yet kind lady who is immediately likable and captivates the audience. She greets them with a delicious pecan pie and as an added bonus is fully clad in purple and speaks with alliterative P-based sentences. Thus, Paula Preston is the heart of the film.
In addition to being the most distant character to humor in the film, she greets our family in the vicinity with a pecan pie, which is indisputably the greatest pie of them all. Pecan pie is downright amazing, and she comes off as a friendly neighbor to everyone around. How do we respond as a family? We laugh at her whims and ridicule her to her face, which is laughable,e to say the least. What a delightful group of people!
Sadly, Paula Preston departs from the story, but Uncle Nicky comes by with a treat for the children. Everyone gasps in anticipation: a new dog has been brought into the house with the expectation of winning the hearts of the children. Nicky’s plan backfires quickly as the children have a meaningless argument, in a moment that is achingly dull yet painfully realistic. But do not fret just yet, we will not remain here for long as there is a scene change to somewhere completely different. Somewhere, two hippies are being interrogated by a government official accompanied by a dog catcher. The official introduces himself as a representative of the Federal Bureau of Dog Investigations, claiming that he is in pursuit of the FMDI’s prime dog wanted fugitive.
Did the FBI really need a whole new division to cover dog crimes, or was it simply created so that Donald Trump could bark angrily at them? Either way, this agent, Dale Hooger, has these two hippies answer questions about the dog that the boys have just been given, but the hippies are too stoned to make sense. They don’t say those exact words because it’s a TV-Y7 show, but that is definitely the implication. Hooger and his partner get nothing from the duo so they cut the interview short which coincidentally allows us to return to the delightful family before us
Everyone is satisfied, even including the kids who love this dog; except for Christina,…who was surprisingly blindsided by Thomas’s decision to allow the kids to have a dog. In one of the corners of the room, she has a reasonable and calm talk with Thomas about the new addition to the family pets and tells him how much the children love the new pooch dog. She also mentions that in case she does not like the idea he will validate her decision and will inform the children that they are not keeping the dog. Good one, Thomas. While subtracting affection from his wife, Thomas, is a good parent. He understands the emotional turmoil of a child named, “Liam” who suffers because of the so-called, “Fighting,” he is witnessing. Susan calls the conversation as one between two adults, who share a common goal of debating a core issue and making rational decisions. It’s believed it or not, for Liam, it’s surprising. Because of how simple things that adults deal with not simple, kids often misunderstand it. It makes sense that he tells the dog, ‘I wish you guys would stop fighting?” Having said that, Christina seems to give in to Thomas finally: “With my way of thinking,” leads to a rather unsettling turning point where the face parents Thomas and Christina who seemingly had normal formed might be assumed by people ask Nicky, who not only brought the dog but, also happened to own the dog surprisingly, where did he heavily say: “he just spice out of the thin air like smoking.” Kind of weird, in a sense. It genuinely feels bizarre and strange and is out of context given the impression they are going for.
She is not happy about this union and you can tell just by looking at her eyes. You don’t have to be worried, the dog will pee over Christina’s shoes which helps things loosen up a little.
While Christina attempts to scrub both the shame and dog pee off herself, Thomas is in another room chuckling to himself, finding delight in his wife’s shame. The two of them have a serious moment about how he ought to have discussed the decision with her before making plans that affect the family. Yes, they did have an agreement. Then he suddenly remembers he has to go out of town for a week. What a wonderful friend he is turning out to be. Does he have to leave? How about bringing the dog along to his home and surprising him? My suggestion would be, to use some of that time during the week to discuss with his wife if they need to get a dog. Absolutely not. This is how this all must happen if we want a movie.
Thus, Christina is somewhat annoyed due to this but Thomas has to gently remind her that he told her previously that he might have to leave this week, offscreen I guess, and this is quite crucial for the family counseling center he just opened up in L.A. Christina comes to terms with Thomas’ departure and we quickly cut to more wonderful filler involving the FBDI.
A giant chunk of this movie’s duration includes filler scenes wherein Hooger and his dog catcher partner, Howie, the only black person in this film, try to catch the dog, now known as Sox, who has managed to evade Hooger for years. Hooger’s actor makes a valiant effort to be wacky as he proclaims that he will find this dog by trying to think like a dog, sniffing the air, and falling over, but it simply is an attempt to garner any form of laughs from the character. The real nightmare happens during one fateful attempt. Hooger walks up to a woman who is out for a walk with her dog, and without prior notice or consent, gets down on the ground and begins gently lifting the dog’s tails and smelling its ass. This event has happened. It is put onto film. I do not know how much this actor was remunerated for this, but it was not enough.
As Hooger searches around the city, Jesse is stuck playing in the backyard. Sadly for Jesse, he is unsuccessful at bonding with Sox who remains unresponsive as Jesse attempts to engage him in a game of frisbee fetch. The way he throws the frisbee is quite laughable. He nearly throws the disc only two feet before it tumbles to the ground. This scene exists in the movie and I’m lost as to why. It seems as though there is some astonishingly poor method of acting going on. You would think that no one could be that inept at tossing a frisbee, therefore it must be a deliberate attempt at making a simple task incredibly difficult. Perhaps they were not prepared to film the action shot of a thrown frisbee being followed as it sails across the yard. Regardless, Jesse continues his futile attempts at throwing the frisbee to the Sox like a completely sad case. Something bizarre and disturbing occurs. The angle from which the camera is abruptly shifted to the perspective of an audience member watching Sox, and the frisbee makes what seems to be a levitating motion before being hurled at Jesse’s face.
Following the SOS frisbee war, Sox’s mind communicates to Jesse that retrieving is not his thing. This is because he is a dog, Sox is a skier dog and doesn’t need a human. Then, Sox goes on a long diatribe to Jesse explaining why he only speaks to children and riddled it with so many random references to things like Alf and Twilight that it is almost impossible to follow. Fun fact, he said that buff guy from Twilight, who goes by the name of Taylor Lautner, looked like some type of furry fetch toy called an Ewok. I don’t even know what possessed someone to say this, but wouldn’t it be funny to pretend that that is the most absurdly sounding racist slur I have ever heard?
Just when the situation gets tougher, everyone’s favorite neighbor Paula Preston emerges with a smile, carrying her famous plum pudding! Saved again. In the background,boys tease Paula, thanks for being a great role model Thomas, while Christina chatters with her and tries to step back from the meet-up. Then, out of nowhere, Sox comes running in, lunges at Paula’s plumb pudding, and bowls it all over Paula’s face. Now Paula gets to express how upset she is as she storms off removing all traces of her P Based Language.
Howie goes to the Levy family and reveals the truth about him. During this talk, Howie understands that, spoiler alert, the FBDI is not real and Dale was attempting to get Sox for ulterior motives. At the same time, Dale is alone with Sox, and the questioning has started.
At least no one learned anything from the movie, and that’s a relief. The movie closes with everyone at home, enjoying breakfast while Sox talks, which is somehow very fascinating.
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