Snow White and the Seven Samurai

Snow-White-and-the-Seven-Samurai
Snow White and the Seven Samurai

Long before Winnie the Pooh Blood and Honey, The Asylum was documenting and reinventing stories and fables into movies such as The 7 Adventures of Sinbad, 3 Musketeers, Avengers Grimm, and the quite extraordinary King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Here, they’ve taken the tale of Snow White and added a title that recalls Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai to present Snow White and the Seven Samurai.

Fiona Dorn (Tangled Ties & Tipsy Vows) The Swan Princess: A Fairytale Is Born) has a simple request to her dad, Eric Roberts, (Slice 2 Children of the Course, Night of the Caregiver) which is to change his job. Categorically easy advice to give considering he’s one of the biggest cocaine kingpins in the country. But she’s obstinate, It’s not only dangerous but also because he does what he does, people always address her as Snow White.

Anya’s reassurances are shattered when a hooded assassin appears and slays him in front of her. Some months later, Anya’s stepmother Quinn is the only remaining relative in horror at the proceedings. Amya gets only twenty million dollars, whereas Anya is made to inherit the rest of his empire provided she goes straight for once in her life.

Very quickly, Anya too is betrayed, this time by her evil stepmother’s henchman, Quinton Jackson, who during the course of the movie, attempts to kill Anya. She has only changed the name of the place from a forest to the dark sides of Los Angeles. Unlike before, this time she is saved, not by seven dwarves but instead by Luna and her team of women fighters.

Given that this was from The Asylum, my expectations for the Snow White And The Seven Samurai were quite low. But what caught my attention was that the film was directed by Michael Su (Night Of The Tommyknockers, The Twisters) who although had a hit-and-miss gallery of work, could produce when provided with appropriate material. Plus, being an accomplished cinematographer, I was sure the film would at least be visually appealing. The script on the other hand was by Jacob David Smith, who co-wrote Prepare To Die, which one of the better directors at The Asylum, Jose Montesinos, failed to rescue.

Here, however, he seems more than happy to play up the lunacy of it all, as with multi-million dollar drug cartels who do not appear to have the money to hire a great many gunmen and their leaders getting their hands dirty without hundreds of bodyguards around them. Then there is the whole notion that the last female samurai, or Onna-musha, appears to be a large number of white ladies who are fitness models and can quickly change Anya into a vicious assassin after just one afternoon.

The outcome is absurd and ruinous but it’s got enough punch-ups, shooting of guns, and training to draw the viewer’s attention as it moves towards the storming of Quinn’s mansion which is being guarded by a few body stunts so they wear some masks and just get killed over and over again.

Although it is not a surprise, we don’t see much of Eric Roberts in this movie, Quinton Jackson has one of his best performances thanks to the fact that there are quite a few lines for him and focuses on his character’s presence and fighting talents which is correct. This contrasts nicely with Gina Vitori’s more restrained portrayal of his boss. Stunt coordinator Shaun Charney (Avenged, Bad Impulse) has more believable, better, and versatile action scenes prepared for them, and for the rest of the actors, than we’re used to from The Asylum: something similar. Coupled with one or two interesting revelations, it makes Snow White and the Seven Samurai an unexpectedly amusing film.

Snow White and the Seven Samurai, for better or worse, is another Asylum production and so viewers should temper their expectations accordingly. If you intend to do so, this is one of their movies that will not leave you feeling as if you have just bitten into a sickeningly sweet apple. Instead, it would be more suitable for spending a warm afternoon looking at it.

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