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Today, at Knockout Horror, I will be discussing the gloriously bad Shark Hounters, which is a film I found on Tubi. Therefore, it will go into our Low Budget Horror on Tubi category.
Once again, you might think that I am serious, and I assure you, I have not gone mad. The plot of Shark Huntress is hysterical. One day, Sheila loses contact with her mother. While searching for her, she decides to go to the island where she used to work. She is a devoted eco-friendly person, and Sheila’s mother had been trying to devise ways of making life without using plastics. I guess that is what annoyed the plastic industry and made her disappearance a bit suspicious.
While visiting the island, Sheila learns that a rogue shark has killed her mother. Angry for revenge, Sheila prepares to take down the shark and the entire plastic industry alongside her environmentalist friends, spear gun and scuba gear in tow. What a horrible premise for a movie. Let us repeat. An environmentalist spear guns sharks purely out of instincts while trying to bring the suffering world of plastic into fight. Am I reading this right? Seriously, is anything in this movie coherent.
Shark Huntress ironically raises a couple interesting points, such as how the hell did this get past the pitch phase? Why is there not a single person zoned in enough to tell those writers this is not a career path they should invest into? It’s so mind blowing that people scoffed at giants telling stories and one of these people carving their ideas into the stone instead deciding to put them on napkins. And no one who has seen this utter nonsense has ever asked ‘What in the world is going on.’
If you pay attention closely, you may be able to spot the cameraman hiding in Gurus’s glasses.
If someone suggested to you a shark movie where a daughter hunts the shark that murdered her mother out of pure vengeance, wouldn’t you instinctively throw up?
I can assume that you would think that as a friend, it would have been your duty to let them know how stupid the idea was and that they should incinerate it to ashes. And then, for the rest of eternity, never utter a single word to another human ear. You could even have been fully justified in cutting them off as a friend. No one did that to writers Dante Delmare and Dustin Alexander the third. Furthermore, no one cared enough about them to try and spare them any form of self degradation. Not a single person had the foresight to inform John Riggins that there was a movie he should not be attempting to direct. No one in his circle was available to let him know that he was doing something incredibly ill advised with his professional life and the consequence of this inattention is Shark Huntress.
If you told me that this was a film produced by some zealots against the plastics industries, I would not challenge you. It plays out, very much, like the unsubtle kind of diabolical nonsense produced by self-absorbed school children that have taken it upon themselves to ‘rescue’ the globe. All while indulging in the very activities that they are opposing. You know the sort, pretending to be outraged about corporate capitalism on Reddit but posting from an iPhone and laced in Nike trainers. I get it, we are all hypocrites in one form or the other. These people just seem not to get it.
Shark Huntress attempts at the very least to highlight the harmful effects of single usage materials and abuse towards nature. This is occuring at the same time as Sheila is looking for the largest spear gun she can find, as she wants to put a second hole in a shark. It feels incredibly absurd. What is there to be understood: It’s ok to get revenge on a beast for munching on someone who is distantly related? Using it’s jaws are not an issue but sharks are? Let us manufacture shark sized single use plastics. I frankly don’t care. This is careless storytelling. To put it mildly, the writing is exceptionally poor. The father is rather incredible compared to other problems that the movie has.
Truly, everything that could have gone wrong with movie making has gone wrong here. Simply terrible acting, the unpardonable dialogue, and so much more. Shark Huntress is perhap the most unpleasant film one can watch. It had a poor beginning, and managed to be worse as it went along. A quick indication of what is to come is Katrina Grey’s ntentifully abandoned, half-hearted American accent. And also, we may have an inattentive team on our hands, because the camera operator’s reflection comes through in a characters sunglasses. But as time goes on, the problems just cannot control themselves and keep piling on.
In fact, Eve Cerda is the only one in the movie who actually puts in any effort.
Every scene of the movie is bombarded by horrible audio hissing and unbearably low quality dialogues that are overly compressed. An accent with a twang is a murder to the ears, and a script that reads like if the author has just learned how detrimental single use plastics are was added, adds a glossing touch to genuinely serious matters. Oh, and don’t get me started on the awful scenes where death is being depicted. One of them does show a shark’s figure with a blood-caped bottom squirting red dye into the water while they pull the unfortunate character around a bit and provoke, genuine groans. There is so much wrong doings done in this movie, that there is not a single thing for anyone to praise.
This is a shark movie – there has to be, at a minimum, some degree of action, right? Well that is what you would think but the answer to that question is predictably no. Nothing happens in this film for its entire duration. The cover suggests there is some sort of epic showdown of a woman versus a shark. The closest we have to that is Sheila standing ankle deep in the swell with a speargun pointing into the open sea. It is awful.
To make matters worse, Sheila getting her diving certification is an actual extended piece of the movie. I shit you not. We see her waving her diving certification around. She is in a waist deep pool with a scuba mask, learning how to breathe with the apparatus. We even see her sitting for her final exam. I simply could not believe what I was subjected to. Have you ever watched a movie where the central character seeking revenge has to get some certification? Just think of watching John Wick while he is sitting for his black belt in karate or Han Solo trying to get a pilot’s license. It is that ridiculous.
Okay, the first thing I’ll tell you is that some people have differing opinions but Eva Cerda was, in fact, decent – at least on the scale of things. Yes, her character is poorly written and they have her doing ridiculos things like saying “Thumbs down emoji” but she is alright. She does not leave me with the impression that she is struggling to be something that she is not. She does relatively ok at attempting to make her lines appear, atleast to some degree, realistic.
The rest of the cast is atrocious. This is probably the worst acting I have ever actually witnessed. Katrina Grey is simply bad. She is so awful that it is astonishing. She is a bit reminiscent of Tommy Wiseau because of the accent that she has. She delivers her lines in the most uninspired way imaginable, she never shows any emotion at all, and looks like she is completely zoned out. She is able to sob on command surprisingly well.
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