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Aside from the fact that he was the lead character in the 1985 movie, Malibu Express, how else would one remember the character just like Abilene Cody (Darby Hilton in the movie)?
Ah yes, a private investigator. His speech clearly indicates he hails from Texas. He owns a red sports automobile and lives on a houseboat which he has christened the Malibu Express. There is, additionally, a painting of a caboose in his possession that is placed on the moorings of his boat. (This actually relates back to an old pal of his and how he wished to, “remember her caboose.” He also appears to have very good hair and a mustache, giving me the impression that he could have had a more illustrious career in the adult film industry of the 70s. The range of his appeal is so extreme that literally, everyone who crosses paths with him wishes to engage in sexual acts. One of his best buddies happens to be a cop by the name of Beverly Lori Sutton. Cody’s girlfriend is a race car driver named Judy Khnockers Lynda Wiesmier. A thousand times over the course of the film.
Cody has a passion for his cars. He seems to encounter three obese rednecks at every turn who are always demanding that he races their son. Of course, their son is a supposedly mechanical genius. They never stop racing and he seems to lose almost every single time.
It also seems like Cody spends a fairly big chunk of time talking to himself. My observation is, that nothing he says is remotely that interesting. During the entire movie, I was waiting for him to say, “I hate pigs but yet I love bacon, what’s all that about? ” He never did. It would have certainly improved the film had he said that at least once.
There’s a lot to unpack here. Cody is completely and utterly useless at his job. At the start of the movie, he is at the firing range and is missing each shot. Contrary to this start, there is a point in the movie later on where Cody does accurately shoot a few targets. The twist is that Cody always seems surprised whenever he actually lands a shot. Truth be told, everyone in the movie seems to respect Cody but it is questionable why. Sure he manages to solve the case but only through sheer luck. Clues to the case are not found by Cody because of his detective efforts but rather because he randomly stumbles into them.
Let’s take a look at the case Cody is solving in Malibu Express. Conservation-wise, I’m equally as clueless. The first reason, and probably the most important one, is that the movie makes no sense. Some of it is due to this being one of those movies that looks like it was put together with a gory chainsaw. But a lot of it is due to the fact that the plot of the movie has this weird feeling of make-it-up-as-you-go.
The story begins with Contessa Luciana (Sybil Danning) hiring the services of Cody to find out who has been leaking computer information to the Russians. Luciana suspects that it must be someone among her friends, Lady Lillian Chamberlain’s (Niki Dantine) household. (It seems all European aristocrats have moved to Bel Air.) It does not take long for Cody to figure out that everyone in the house has a secret. For example, a daughter is cheating on her husband with a butler. A drag queen son-in-law? Some other daughter has become involved with an evil computer tycoon.
The computer magnate seems like a promising lead but before Cody can pursue that line of inquiry, a killing takes place and Cody’s focus immediately shifts to figuring out who committed it. At one point though, while trying to trace the suspect’s background, Cody is accosted by three toting thugs which makes him change focus yet again, this time on how to get away from his pursuers. Luckily, it seems the killer does not care so much about being invisible which works to Cody’s advantage.
And amidst the chaos, Americans are still mourning relations between the United States and Iraq, which were as thoughtful as they seem to have been. In a way, a Sidaris film is not so different, and just like any other, I have a few bones to pick. One caveat worth mentioning is that these films are tiresome and you could do better recalling this masterpiece of Malcolm Tate “If you build it, they will come Torino.”
And yet, it’s also a strangely enjoyable film. The movie, at the very least, seems conscious of its shortcomings. It understands that the plot is nonsensical, that character Cody is a buffoon, and that in the real world, probably nobody would deliver 75% of the dialogue exchanged in the film Malibu Express. It understands all that, but the movie seeks to have some fun and it is rather admirable how the movie wholly embraces the exploitation style. From watching Malibu Express, it is clear that Sidaris perhaps had a good time while making the movie. The extent to which you will enjoy the movie depends on the extent of your patience with Sidaris’s kind of filmmaking.
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