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Before you get too thrilled, my fellow fans of , Nicolas Cage and Kelsey Grammer are only co-top billed on the poster for this faux gothic faux noir thrill-deficient thriller; the two master thespians do not get to interact with each other. Not until the very end, of course.
It’s hurricane season on the title Grand Isle and a young fellow named Buddy Luke Benward is all bloodied up in an interrogation room, speaking to Detective Jones and as you might expect, he’s a detective, yes, but, like the rest of the cast, he is in Full Movie Southern Lawyer get up. Cream colored jacket, deep drawl, the whole. Shebang. An analog tape recorder is capturing the conversation. Now before you start to worry about the great notion that Buddy is being interrogated with open wounds on both his arms out and in with his face, we are in flashback mode.
As a struggling entrepreneur and a new father, Buddy resorts to working as a handyman. His most recent assignment was to fix a fence for the grumpy ex-marine Cage Walker who has an attractive wife called Fancy (KaDee Strickland). The reason Walker’s fence was broken was because a man trying to burglar a house and was shot by Walker, so the man fell through the fence.
This was on Fancy and Walkers wedding anniversary which commenmorates the day Walker forgot so beautifully as ex Marines do. Annoyed, Fancy decides to pay attention to Buddy whos working on the lawn. Sashaying over with a glass in hand she asks Buddy if he wants some, to which Buddy stares at her chest. “Ice Tea,” she clarifies, but it is clear that in that moment much more than just tea was meant. Especially after Buddy’s car ended up breaking down in the storm and getting stuck at the Walker manse with nowhere to go.
The three course meal is served as they sip on the mint juleps made using Fancy’s grandmother’s recipe all the while indulging in inappropriate conversations. Walker asks, “When did you last have your cock…and Allegro interrupts him” That’s not the bad part It’s the, what, Walker asks of Buddy, “When was the last time you had your cock … sucked?” For Cage, it’s another one of those cartoonishly absurd phrases he mutters, and he gets it down perfectly. While Walker pours the drinks, he badgers them with an explanation and after having them get T-shirt slogans of “shoot your lover” and “slaughter your enemies” printed out to the students in classes they’re teaching. “You wanna go waaan lying to yerself we can do that all night …”
Later, rather comically for him, he gets on a bender. He hands out forty grand to students as he gets them drunk and tells them there’s big bucks to be given out. Along with fifty grand split up as prizes for best killings he also sets a twenty grand bounty on Fancy’s head. Walker says it’s a mercy killing because along with blood cancer she’s also suffering from bone cancer. “What are you doing in here?” he asks Fancy, finding her all too relaxed in the bath with a playful gleam in her eyes. “I’m gonna go take a pretty body shower. So I don’t have to put my clother into hot water.” So to show how endlessly stupid she is, she precedes the song with a rather foolish summary. But, as you can imagine, that’s not how he ends up offing her. At least, not in the version he tells people.
Equally concerning Is what is located in the Walker basement, and why it is that Fancy wants to shoot Buddy rather than let him walk freely into it.
Stephen S. Campanelli, Director: Ah yes, Clint Eastwood’s veteran camera crew. He does his part with a rough, if not strong, efficiency. Neither he, nor someone, stepped in to fix the slack and needlessly complex script by Iver William Jallah and Rich Ronat. Because no one did, there isn’t a lot to care about. Not even the Cage-Grammer showdown.
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