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The 1980s was marked by grandiose action films that overwhelmed the box office. The stars were bulked-up men who captured everyone’s attention regardless of their lack of acting prowess. For someone like me, it was the era of Sylvester Stallone versus Arnold Schwarzenegger. Out of every movie Arnold put out in the 80s, one film that stands out the most is 1985, Commando by Mark L. Lester. Of course, there were much better films that showcase Arnold, but none of them compare to Commando when it comes to action. The best part is, it is stripped away from any science fiction or fantasy elements. Commando is just pure action with Arnold engaged in murder after murder.
So, Commando did come as a surprise action film of the decade, However, I had not seen it before. It is quite odd for me, given that there really is no concrete reason as to why I avoided watching the movie. The best explanation is simple boredom. But as time passed on, and Disney+ began streaming this film made by the 20th Century, it seemed imperative to fill the gap in my pop culture knowledge. Believe it or not, I finally sat down and watched Commando. Imagine my surprise.
Growing up with Commando, one point is sure to be acknowledged, it is unarguably gifted with nostalgia which allows viewers to gloss over its weaker aspects and simply enjoy the elements that were entertaining to them as kids. However, coming to Commando more than 35 years later tells a different story, it is all weak elements. The plot is ridiculous, the dialogue is laughable, and the attempts at one-liners are infuriating. In most cases, such production simply enforces the ‘it’s so bad it’s good’ ideology, however, with full honesty, Commando is a perfect piece of evidence against that notion. It is simply a poorly crafted mosting made with no regard to quality writing.
In how poorly Commando is written, the most striking aspect is that the movie is simply a power fantasy. Schwarzenegger’s John Matrix never runs into problems in his life that he can’t solve. He effortlessly mows down a seemingly endless array of mercenaries and henchmen and transitions from one gunfight to the next with barely any injuries other than superficial cuts and scratches. It’s effortless for Schwarzenegger’s physique to embody such a character, but the vast majority of the rest of the cast around him looks devoid of appeal. The outcome for an observer in the 21st century is to almost appreciate these events with a sense of irony devoid of any make-believe conflict instead, one would appreciate this spectacle as a male American militaristic swagger during the Cold War. So many enemy soldiers and criminals anonymously perish in a storm of gunfire and explosions, all begging for their own Austin Powers-style funeral. It is how I think able-bodied younger generations are going to perceive the Fast & Furious films to extract these action-filled masterpieces from their contexts, and they will turn out to be empty machines. It is impossible to realistically castigate the screen violence because all of it appears to lack authenticity. Commando is filled with action while remaining devoid of any conflict.
An absolute highlight is Mad Max 2 alumnus Vernon Wells, who plays the villain’s right hand with a unique combination of heavy metal bravado and the most Australian of handlebar bush moustaches. With a surfeit of nervous energy and an on-the-nose delivery, he is or was the sole performer with whom one laughed. Everyone else, even Schwarzenegger, invited being laughed at instead. Commando was a perennial hit on home video for over a decade, but it lags behind more successful Schwarzenegger vehicles like Conan the Barbarian and The Terminator.
So, you cannot come in late for any decade’s trash cinema. You had to be there at the right time when people were fondly sharing the story. You should not need to catch up on it all. Watching Commando now for the first time is to examine a museum exhibit: fascinating for sure, occasionally even enjoyable in its own way, but nonetheless static and inert. I feel a little less happy my time was ill-spent but wiser for having finally seen it.
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