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I guess I was something like halfway through my first viewing of Captain Apache when I understood that this is one of those movies that really has to be seen twice in order to get something out of it. My notepad, usually filled with gauzy outlines of the story, character names, and other minute pieces of information which by the end of the movie nobody would be able to read, was completely blank I was gaping at the television set for the last forty-five minutes without a clue as to what was happening. In my opinion, Captain Apache was one of the most puzzling films I’ve ever seen, and the box promised a spaghetti western.
The movie stars Lee Van Cleef as the main character who has both American Indian ancestry and the rank corresponding to Cavalry Captain. When an unknown person kills the Indian Affairs Commissioner, a single Apache survives to testify. The Commissioner’s last words ‘April Morning’ were particularly perplexing, but the Captain firmly believes that it’s a clue. So he permits the fragile witness to have exactly one day to decode the riddle. However, this turns fatal when the witness gets gunned down. On the brighter side, having slept with the dead officer’s girlfriend allows Lee Van Cleef to make sense of the multiple treks the officer took to a Cuban bar before his life was extinguished.
A visit to the cantina is less fascinating than it is supposed to be, and Apache arrives to discover a dead witch, as well as a pack of slain men, who were presumably murdered to conceal the details of April Morning. While pursuing yet another lead in the shape of a fellow named Rodriguez, our protagonist ends up at a church’s sanctuary and a village that is home to extensive crime, featuring American arms dealers and ruthless changes in power within the Mexican army. Perhaps he is left without alternatives, but communicating with his forefathers in a solely sued thong does not help, as some of his tribesmen betray him to block his way to April Morning. But with the first of April looming upon him, Apache has no option but to join hands with Griffin the arms dealer, who alone possesses the key to the mystery behind the Commissioner’s murder.
This is a film that can only be described as pure chaos and nonsense. Captain Apache is a story about a lawman who hops from resource to woman, to resource, and then to the next woman. Most of these women happen to die unceremoniously right after his engagement with them. The film doesn’t hint at its ending and does nothing to answer the multitude of questions that the audience is left with. The removal of Van Cleef’s prominent moustache, the stunning wig, the suede underwear, the “Indian” makeup, and the fuzz-guitar soundtrack seem like a whole new level of nonsense… and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. This serves as an indication of just how baffling the movie is.
Setting the silliness aside, Captain Apache is a fantastically thrilling movie, which has a good dose of action and vivid characters, it shrieks from the starting gate and doesn’t let up until the closing credits, which come about 90 minutes later. That having been said, it’s about as far removed from a “Western” as one could hope, and that is even with the costumes and the setting; it is more like a blend of a 70’s exploitation movie, and something Hitchcock unsuccessfully attempted in his early movies. From whatever angle you look at it, it certainly is an example of a What-The-Hell-Is-This moment in motion pictures, and in this context, Captain Apache is probably the most important cartoon ever made poster.
Captain Apache is coming to Kino Lorber Blu-ray in a 2.35:1 transfer. This is what KL seem to do these days, putting out reasonably good transfers of films that the public is just glad to see. To clarify, the picture looks solid for the most part, especially for a film of its age, with a decent range of colour and just enough dirt, scratches, and other weirdness to maintain the character of the film without making it look like an ass or spending a billion dollars to clean it up. It’s not going to blow anybody away or be compared to Arrow’s Day of Anger. But it’s perfectly acceptable.
There are a few instances of noise interference and wavering audio but so far, the DTS-HD MA 2.0 track fairs about the same and dialogue is largely coherent and carried at a consistent volume. For the video track: no one is going to win an award for it, but here it functions sufficiently to enjoy the film.
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