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The Goonies Vs Weird Science The Ultimate Crossover Never Knew Existed!
Tell the rest of the class the following: Which old public domain franchise has been worked the worst King Arthur or Robin Hood. I can see very strong points to be made on both ends since Hollywood continues to destroy those myths for cheap money and the rest of the world not in England is saying “We have those too!”
I feel bad for both of them but far worse for the audience. Who now have to sit through the miserable copies that restore the “true” tale underneath the grimdark paint. But if we go far back, at least we can end up in a time where bad movies used to take great joy in producing these awful stories. For now, we have to travel back to the year 2001, when The Sorcerer’s Apprentice sneaked into video rental stores and tried to lure mothers into renting it for their kids.
And wow those kids were in for a whopping disappointment, because this reality TV show with all of its medieval fighting prospects goes out the window for yet another take on Merlin in his modern times. I mean, we got one of those just a year earlier and that was more than enough to hold us over till the 2050s.
The gist of this Oscar-nominated masterpiece is that Morgana comes forward in time to obtain a super duper powerful staff that an Irish Merlin uses for his daily walks around the countryside. The focus of these conflicts pulls in Ben, a teenager whose hormones are currently in conflict with his ability to speak in a proper British accent.
If you see this, and you probably won’t, I guarantee you’ll be thinking about a heavy down pillow and wanting to put your shoulder into bringing it around to connect with Ben’s head after his second statement. WHAP. Trust me, he deserves it… and more.
Merlin whether intentionally or accidentally injects Ben with staff rays that allows him to transform, becoming a wizard himself. So while Ben is taught by Merlin in what seems like the most depressing Karate Kid reference, Morgana uses her cat human and mouse human minions to spy on him in hopes of finding out where the staff is located.
As much as this movie tries to not take more than an hour and a half, they still don’t devote enough time to teach Ben how to use wizardry. Ben’s teacher merlin, constantly tells him to “believe”, but believe in what? I guess, reality does get reshaped with enough immature teenage brains.
As the movie tries forcing us to focus on Ben’s romance with a new classmate, self moving with respect to Ben’s attitude around the new 90s hairstyle, magical powers and the southern African revolution, I’d say we would be more interested in seeing David and LaRock work their own magic. While this is a daunting task that requires more than a few entertaining parts slipped into the mundane storyline, these two shouldn’t be reduced to community service with a punk like this. Luckily, it is.
Even if Dave’s putting on a rather ridiculous Irish accent, he is still the heavyweight character actor that he has always been. I do in fact prefer him in the role of Merlin because he is an imaginative stage magician that sings show tunes instead of an old cranky Gandalf. And of course, LaRock, the teenage fantasy of a lot of boys back in the 80s, still can make the heart skip a bit with a smile and a flick of her wrist.
(For no apparent reason, I enjoy those moments in the movie where LeBrock’s hair is pinned straight over her bizarre fluffy perm that she has when she is in full blown evil mode.)
These are the only two actors that this film The Sorcerer’s Apprentice has not poorly animated magic spells. Oh, and that other magic trick is an absurdly funny bike chase scene that led to the death and dismemberment of most of the child actors. This should have focused on the comical elements of two famous wizards getting into a time traveling fight scene… instead of having a dull stretch of community service watching kids go through puberty awkwardly.
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