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Who’s the black private dick? That’s a sex machine to all the chicks? That would be The Guy From Harlem, a hilarious blaxploitation film with some of the worst production values along the lines of the Bloody Nightmares films. In this one, a director who has no idea how to tell a story and actors who simply couldn’t manage high school drama, and then there are the fight scenes, skull crushing. These particular faults would seem glaringly obvious, but for some people ready to embrace bad cinema, this film will warm your heart. It is shit, but it is so awful that it leaves you giggling.
While the movie’s opening credits are showcasing Al’s driving all over the city, we hear the groovy theme for Guy From Harlem, which plays throughout the film, and it becomes obvious that he does not work in Harlem. Loye Hawkins is the character Al Connors, A.K.A Guy From Harlem. Al is a private investigator in Miami, Florida and enthusiastically talks about how he started off in the harsher side of New York. Fortunately, he can now sit back and enjoy the warm weather of Miami. All of his interesting work experiences are in the past.
Al is living pretty comfortably, which shows in the pre-school looking office he works in. He is also a self-declared womanizer, a title he lives up to the moment he spots any hint of a feminine presence. His old friend and CIA agent from HARLEM David McLeod visits him to ask for his assistance in guarding the beautiful Mrs. Ashanti, the wife of a diplomat from an undisclosed African country. While claiming that he needs the assistance, McLeod makes sure to give a warning about the consequences of Al trying to sleep with this African Queen or Princess, but the film seems to be very unclear about which title she actually holds. However, in Al’s case, it is important to always be ready for romance and never stop while trying to engage with the spouses of international representatives.
The two are staying in a hotel, posing as a married couple, but this charade does not last long, thanks to an assortment of villains who while attempting to snatch Ashanti are swiftly defeated by Al’s refined street fighting. First, there is a masseuse with a syringe who Al frightens off by watching her massage the Princess, which is yes, disturbing. Then there is a drag serving attendant, then a bunch of thugs who were defeated using Al’s trademark moves. The pair then relocate to a secured location, which is an apartment from one of Al’s old flames, and then break the seventh commandment. Al then brings Ashanti back in one piece and they all live happily ever after.
Except that we’re only halfway through the film. Quite so. And now we proceed to the core of the narrative, which has to do with Al being solicited in his office by a ‘Legitimate Businessman’, Harry De Bauld, who, along with his more subdued partner, irritates Al s secretary, before making wild gestures regarding the kidnapping of his daughter. Apparently, she has been abducted by Big Daddy, the second gangster in town, who also attempted to capture the African Princess/Queen/Whomever. Harry wants Al to be the one who does the swap (his daughter for drugs and money), and far from realizing it is a stupid idea, figures it will be an excellent escapade, and takes the job.
Despite being paid to do something, Al ignores the task at hand and confronts Big Daddy’s henchmen solo. In a wonderfully cinematic manner, Al tracks down their unknown location and neutralizes the enemies one after the other, doing some of the most imperceptible action that has ever graced the big screen. Arms are thrown to the side carelessly, and limbs are sent flying but there is order to the chaos and Al, as he always does, comes out on top. It’s a joyous time to be a man from Harlem. However, there is a low light to this situation, Wanda, Harry’s daughter has no plans on going back to her foul father. They did come up together, but the rest of the plans A seemed to have in mind with his female friend whose house he was using as a love shack. How professional of him.
Seeing that Al turned in the drugs to the police rather than trying to trade them, Harry feels a bit disappointed. Regardless, he is happy to have his daughter back. The downside is that Big Daddy wishes to see Al dead, which is not ideal for Al (or Wanda, whom Al has now decided to marry), so a meeting is arranged for the two to sort out their issues. Big Daddy happens to be a hulk of a man, built like a blonde body builder, so Al’s decision to settle the argument with a fistfight may seem puzzling, but this is The Guy From Harlem! Big Daddy’s henchmen are eliminated by Harold’s men while Big Daddy is beaten up by Al’s legs and arms. While Al and Wanda walk into the sunset, we all know they can’t wait for The Guy From Harlem 2.
The Guy From Harlem 2 never saw the light of day, as it doesn’t exist. Rene Martinez Jr., the director, made only one more movie and with a controversial name (even THAT I want to watch). One can only hope although it is unlikely that Martinez’s talent improved for that movie, because from what I saw, this was an oracle’s best bet. The most basic composition rules are actively ignored by the camera, and while cutting from a wide shot to a close up the actors change positions. Actors say the lines completely wrong or parrot back improvised conversation and it is all kept in the movie! The camera is not panned which does not add a good look to the already poorly executed action scenes; regardless, the actors move around in an exaggerated manner.
There’s no middle ground with performances. It’s either so boring that it seems like one is about to fall asleep, or the actors are overdoing the whole thing. It seems like everyone agrees that Loye Hawkins is terrible as Al Connors and I think he displays a decent measure of charm and manages to fail at most of his lines. The entire film appears to have been filmed in one take which is commendable on Hawkins’ part since he manages not to mix up his lines limp. The male leads, who were controversially cast for their appearance and eagerness to strip rather than their capability of reciting the terrible lines, had their performances astonishingly outshone by their female counterparts. Steve Gallon looks like he was enjoying himself while portraying Harry De Bauld, but all the villains are pathetic especially during the tense moments when they are groping their female hostage. The whole piece looks like a snuff movie is about to occur.
This project was filmed by Rafael Remy, and it is honestly quite shocking that he did the cinematography on a number of films that are credited because every single shot looks dull and unattractive. The credits of lighting as well as sound are good, but it is quite telling about the film that these few technical examples of competence are even worth mentioning. Sets are minimal, and the ones that are shown are just as painfully unblended as one might expect. Wretchedly beautiful
You can watch The Guy From Harlem in the 4:3 (1.33:1) ratio, and it is unfortunately riddled with damage, grain, missing frames, which makes it feel as if it was shot on a drive-in camera. I’m not sure what the original aspect ratio was, but I do not feel that a great deal of significant activity is taking place off the poles of the frame. Or, in the film, to be honest. By incidental music Dr. Cecil Graham, it is repetitious but…
This, along with other movies, is a part of the Millcreek 50 Martial Arts movie pack. Despite having some chapter stops, it is a shame that everything else is bare bones. Now that I think about it, it would have been great to hear the stories behind such inept work.
The Guy From Harlem should have been repackaged for its sheer repulsiveness. It manages to pull off the feeble entertaining character. Having an impressive blend of outrageous acts and swearing, The Guy From Harlem is fun to watch. For a movie of such indecency, it did not bore me. Along with an astounding amount of fun, it was also terribly indecent. I never cared much about Al Connors, nor do I care that much about the further exploits of Al Connors. However, I do consider, and to my objection, the rest of the audience was surprised and delighted to some extent.
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