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Now when this game came into our office, half of me was thinking “At last a game to give Dungeon Master a good kicking” and the other half was thinking “Wait a minute, isn’t Knightmare that crap kids’ programme on ITV?”
Knightmare is that terrible show where they get four kids and blindfold one of them by sticking a massive helmet on top of his/her head (this normally happens to the smallest who is always called Colin or Jeremy). The other three kids get the chance to kill Colin by telling him to walk around a computer-generated world into traps and clutches of giants, witches, trolls, etc. The three kids aren’t supposed to kill him, but most of them couldn’t find their way out of Woolworths, never mind a dungeon plagued with goblins and giants.
Yes, the normal team line-up on Knightmare includes Colin, our intrepid blind adventurer, David, the only kid who has any adventuring experience, and playing Hobbit on his Spectrum doesn’t really count anyway. Susan, whose idea of a good time is listening to Jason Donovan’s records and who hasn’t a clue which planet she is on, let alone succeeding Knightmare, and Gary, who’d rather go and watch Crystal Palace instead of playing this game. He finds programmes like This Is Your Life interesting and full of humorous anecdotes.
To make up the rest of the team there are the presenters and err, well, uumghrtt, have, sorry, I’m trying to stop myself from laughing. Hold on a minute Right, I’m OK now. The main man is called Treguard who looks uncannily like a slim Brian Blessed.
Treguard’s little helper who’s not one bit of help at all has the really depressing name of Pickle. Yes, Pickle really is in a bit of a pickle. He looks like Robin Hood but with wispy blonde hair and painted-on freckles.
But to the game! On loading, you are treated to a wonderful rendition of the Knightmare theme music. Next, you have to define your four team members by typing in their names and deciding their professions (Adventure, Gladiator, Samurai, Wizard, Priest or Genie) and breeds (Man, Woman, Goblin, Ogre, Ghoul, Elf, Troll or Insectole).
After you have filled in all the gubbins about your team, it’s time to start playing. Knightmare can be controlled with the mouse on its own, or a combination of mouse and keyboard. I found that it was a lot faster and easier to move your character around using the keyboard.
My first impression of Knightmare was that it doesn’t half look like Captive. Well, fact fans, it just happens that Tony Crowther, who did the excellent Captive, also shock, horror did Knightmare.
You start the game in the forest outside the dungeons. This terrible place hides killer bunny rabbits, mischievous elves and a big beastie which is indescribable. The control method for fighting these awful creatures isn’t quite the easiest in the world. You have to click your right mouse button on one of the hand icons and this will drop a scroll down from which you can choose whether to punch or kick. You then click with the right button again to activate the desired effect. In the middle of a battle, this is a bit confusing, but you get used to it.
Once you are inside the dungeon things really get going, and to be honest it’s as good as Dungeon Master. Treguard and Pickle give you friendly advice along the way but tend to just state the obvious.
Good weapons in Knightmare are few and far between. For instance, I was wandering around the dungeon looking for a decent aggressive implement when lo and behold I spotted what looked like a sword. Imagine my dismay when I picked it up and Pickle kindly informed me that it was actually a pen-knife!
The game has four quests, so it will keep you going for ages. I haven’t managed to complete the first quest yet – it’s been a long time since I’ve played Dungeon Master.
Overall Knightmare is a really good game. It has astounding graphics which lend it a great atmosphere. The sound is adequate, with suitable swishes, grunts and thumps. The level of difficulty is set quite hard, so beginners watch out – you will be frustrated (I was).
If you loved games like Captive, Dungeon Master and their ilk, then no doubt you’ll have already got your coat out to rush down the shops. Forget the title ‘Knightmare’ think of the game more as a Dungeon Master for the 90s.
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