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Syfy channel TV movies are my guilty pleasures and the reason is pretty simple They are not like Hollywood blockbusters that bank on the budget and know how to enjoy their limitations, and for me that is perfect. This time it is about an earthquake that happens in the Deep South and, besides ruining the roads, brings a lot of albino spiders of different shapes and sizes. As it happens in these types of films, the spiders gather in New Orleans to unleash terror on the people.
Let me say one good thing about Arachnoquake, it has a remarkable background pedigree. It was starred and produced by Griff Furst, who also directed Swamp Shark and Lake Placid 3. The film was also written and produced by Paul A. Birkett and Eric Forsberg, who worked on the movies Altitude and Mega Piranha respectively. The movie Arachnoquake, unfortunately, was not able to achieve special effects, even with its minuscule budget. Instead of decent special effects, it looks as if we were treated with fire breathing, web spitting, water walking, and albino spiders that claim they have no eyes. As astonishing as it sounds, it gets worse, for some reason the spiders are pixelated, looking like they just walked out of the 1989 Commodore Amiga game It Came From the Desert. It isn’t to say the bad SFX doesn’t have some level of charm to it there is, but it does make one appreciate the effort the movie makers provided when they took out the giant mother spider.
One thing I’ll never fully come to terms with is seeing former child actors now take on parental roles like T2’s reimagined Edward Furlong and Tracey Gold from Growing Pains. Arachnoquake manages to snag another former child star, Bug Hall from The Little Rascals, who played a perpetually drunk, dare I say, a tour guide who stops a giant spider’s nest from swallowing his family, attendees, and the whole city of New Orleans.
Arachnoquake is an interesting movie that has a dullness to it, where interesting means enjoyable for a particular group. There are no over-the-top bimbos in bikinis or sickening gore. While it does have a gruesome dissection of a spider, the movie would surely be enjoyed by families. The exploding cysts do make it a little more graphic than needed. The movie does portray a moral center as well. Even some of the characters, who generally would be the supervillains and only care about themselves in big-budget Hollywood movies, actually try to save New Orleans from the deadly killer arachnids.
Arachnoquake places much more focus on the antics rather than the horror aspect which is refreshing. This is why fans of the low-budget creature features will surely get much amusement out of it.
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