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For some reason the in-flight entertainment and food assortment caught me off guard. The last time when I had the salted peanuts, it wasn’t that flight friendly. I had to deal with the burp sixes, launching my guts out of the Venerealus bug trench. For Dom Perignon I’m grateful to the plane passengers as it keeps them blissfully unaware. These militants drank Dom Perignon for a reason. They hold an almost divine association. So there’s a chance they might be good enough to put in with their lips. Within a few moments I know I’ll feel the effect of the video dearly missing. Let me get back at telling you about the arguments. Hopefully they will not feed to the veins too rapidly. Or else it’ll get incredibly painful. So calm down a little because I’m about to rightfully portray yet another aircraft crash within a few moments. This one is so brilliantly crafted I can close my eyes and laugh.
Together with his boss man, Johnny believes it is a good idea to hang out in the cutting edge purpose-built green screen control tower at Blinkety Bloop Airbase, overlooking their extremely irresponsible test flight. They are looking forward to some over-the-top enjoyment as their ill-fated flight is about to take place. Until General Buzzkill appears and threatens to forcefully shoot the plane down while shifting the already non-existent stakes to a new very low level. “I thought I felt some spine tingling suspense sometime earlier, only to realize it was just gas”. Like always, the serious military people come and take control towards the rest of the movie, giving me lots of the, looking all serious giving all kinds of serious quotes that are obviously taken from more sophisticated movies like The Rock.
After ten minutes of watching an airplane taxi in some sort of extended tourism video touted as a digital film, that’s right, it is much worse than being actually stuck in a flying airplane, Johnny finally gets the chance to jump onto the haunted death plane using the standard issue hero tube where his best Steven Seagal face will be on display. Putting all of that aside, Turbulent Skies features “runway webcams” which in my opinion is the “cars slowly parking” of the movie – a dreadfully long footage add loads of running time to a premise that is already stretched thin. While we are on the topic of cars slowly parking, the joke defying Johnny now has to adroitly mid-air pole mike’s into the cockpit easily in time to grab hold HAL 90 through a screw driver and benignly demolish some wire cables like some truck stop draft beer diva. Thankful god, everything is fixed, day is saved. Unfortunately for Johnny, that is not the only reason that gets him up here, that would be absurd. He is actually up here to enable his estranged wife literally land the plane with the pure rage of marriage.
At last, a great movie about the importance of marriage. A word of caution. During the period when just two guys were manning the cockpit, wasn’t there a situation where everyone nearly perished in a colossal fireball? Makes you contemplate. But in no way have we claimed there is something “wrong” or “evil” with gay marriage. All we are saying is that gay people are not appropriate to fly planes, because God is infinitely more likely to decide to strike them with a lightning bolt because he detests them so much. Voting NO on gay pilot marriage is definetely a correct option or else without you realizing it, we will end up in some lousy dystopia crafted by JJ Abrams. Where airplanes will continually plunge out of the sky, and people will engage in warfare with swords and crossbows amidst the debris of a shopping mall. It was at this point that the little people were persuaded by Thin Rhames, Ving Rhames’ not-so-shredded stunt double. In any case, the airplane touches down, and all passengers safely deplane, but the story does not end there. They were expecting to land in Cleveland, but in fact arrived in Klendathu, a planet filled with bugs. Remember RCIO, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!
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