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A popular quote from Ed Wood states “Plan 9 is my pride and joy. We used Cadillac hubcaps for flying saucers in that.” He’s actually referring to the best film he made, Plan 9 From Outer Space. This movie is regarded by almost all film critics and fans as the absolute worst movie that was ever made, but let’s be honest here, Ed Wood never made a good movie in his entire career. Much like how Bride of the Monster, Glen or Glenda, Necromania (a movie I haven’t seen either but am comfortable adding to the list) are also pieces of unwatchable garbage. The important thing is, he loved making movies. It was his heart’s desire his entire life, and he got to make it happen. Look at that quote of his again.
Those two phrases together in the same sentence do not make sense but Ed Wood takes delight in blending them together and refers to this ‘special effect’ as a great achievement in cinema. Every single one of his films remains a complete failure, but his passion and sincerity shines through. He’s sincerely hoping that this time it works, isn’t he? Or, he is simply waiting for the moment that he thinks is when magic happens. Perhaps that is why, even today, 30 years after his death, people remember the name Ed Wood. But then I also try to compare him with bloated troubles like KvC: Komodo vs Cobra and somehow, I feel a small part of American cinema has sunk.
Though the DTV market has, for some time, been trying its best to appeal to Pseudo Nostalgics with imitations like Earth vs the Spider and Teenage Caveman, and failing dismally at providing ‘so bad it’s good’ entertainment, Komodo vs Cobra gives me a glimmer of hope. How could such a deeply absurd premise not be a labor of love, especially with the added pretentious hipster ‘KvC’ prefix? Even if Komodo vs Cobra ends up being a wild mess, I think there is potential to turn evil, moldy, and decrepit MTI and York Entertainment into something useful. Perhaps I’m the one who is confused attempting to navigate this glorious labyrinth consisting of sequels after sequels of Hellraiser and starring Eric Roberts. But one can always hope.
KvC: Komodo vs Cobra stands out negatively as it is just a collection of the worst creative elements that a production house can bring out: unoriginal, uninspiring and entirely dull. The outline has pieced together bits and pieces from Jurassic Park, Evil and Land of the Lost. It begins with hippies from an organization known as One Planet, and a reporter who is in search of a story. They board a boat to south pacific islands all for the purpose of exposing illegal genetic experiments by the US government. On arrival at the island, they make the shocking discovery of giant komodo lizards and cobras that have taken over the facility. With the fuel shortage crisis, the military is focused on making napalm bombs to wipe out the whole project, but quietly observing the surroundings. The heroes get into trouble when their boat gets destroyed and they have to think on their feet to avoid the reptilian beasts.
In a more successful picture, there are infinite possibilities for a director to take the reins of. Shafts of character archetypes, never-ending clocks for obliteration, and colossal lizard monsters are themes that would, in any case for me, look like ingredients that would steep into something tantalizing to the degree of being indestructible, but KvC does not waste any minutes into boring me like yesterday’s salad and makes zero efforts at all to surpass it. Our beloved featured of K’s and C’s are parked somewhere in the valley between Ray Harryhausen and Hercules, the Legendary Journeys: The growling and snapping with utter lifelessness of Hoody Doody, only more relaxed without him looking remotely threatening. I was not anticipating much; Balrogs are not my type of creatures, but these are some exceptionally annoying creatures perhaps it’s best they do not appear in screen for the most part of the film. In the span of our movie that was named Komodo vs Cobra, there is exactly a single fight of a komodo battling a cobra which is roughly eighty five minutes into the picture, and my jaw drops when I find out that it lasts until the hour and twenty eight minute mark, which means it’s only twenty minutes of the feature Goddess, and it is unendingly preserved with reaction shots from our characters.
So, if the majority of Komodo vs Cobra does not depict komodos or cobras, what have they filled our screen time with? Engaging in volumes of boring dialogues all the time! And blimey, John Moschitta Jr, can these people talk. Even though the rest of the world terms them as ‘appetizers’ and their squatting space stan to be annihilated, these people seem hell bent on sharing their sentiments about stealing the divine and still, not being one step closer to evading a gruesome demise via HUGE, pointy teeth, or worse, a zealous fireball. Look, I am quite the traditionalist, but I firmly believe these people do not need to state anything beyond: “RUN FASTER! THE KOMODO IS GAININGON US!”
The movie is trash. It barely features a story line hence the reason it has such a goofy title, it’s sole purpose is to amuse people like me for a second, but make them obliged to suffer the lack of entertainment the movie offers simply because it was four dollars to rent. Pure scheme.
It is created by film directors from small firms that do not care about the quality of the utterly appalling content they publish; as long as it is profitable. Therefore, do not spend your time and money on it. To make it clear, it is terrible.
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